Such a touchy issue, this is, so we all try and avoid it.
I never thought I'd be a working Mama, but I am. I have decided to stop beating myself up for it. I've also decided I don't need to justify it. Don't you ever get tired of explaining things to people, or hoping others won't judge you? I do.
I have spent so many years worrying about what my friends will think, what friends of friends will think, and how I'll explain to them why I work, or why things are "different" for me. I've systematically lined up all the differences between my life and their lives and all the differences between their husband's lives and William's life. I've accumulated examples of "stay-at-home-Mom's" who wear it like a badge but spend their time doing x, y, and z. I've written journal entries about how I actually see "the world" by being in it and am therefore that much more prepared to teach my kids, blah, blah, blah.
You know what, though? I have never, ever, not once worried about having to explain it to Heavenly Father. I've never worried that if the prophet himself came to visit me, he wouldn't understand the choice I've made. NEVER! I have always known, without even thinking about it, that they know my heart and my situation, and that they don't feel the need to label, judge, or condescend to me.
Why, then, if I haven't worried about what God Himself thinks, have I spent years worrying about what other frail, imperfect, mortals think of the choice I've made? It does not matter.
The power of that realization, I cannot begin to tell you. It. Does. Not. Matter. Go Ahead. Label me. Patronize Me. Congratulate yourself for being perfect!
We truly do not know what others are going through or why they make the choices they do, so why do we put everyone in a category? As "sisters", in particular, as women---we have SO much stacked against us as it is. We should be building each other up and giving one another the benefit of the doubt.
Am I mad? No, just a bit sad and also a bit relieved. I feel like a tense little jack-in-the-box, who has been wound and wound and wound and just hasn't popped yet. The opinions that matter most to me belong to my husband, my kids, and my God.
As always, and despite my tone, I absolutely welcome--and appreciate-- your comments.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Working Mama
Posted by The Qian Family at 4:38 PM
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4 comments:
You're right! Nobody else's opinions matter because nobody else knows why you do what you do. Good for you for realizing that.
I know how you feel though. Even though your head knows that you're doing the right thing it's hard to convince your heart to stop worrying about it. I am not a working mom. I have chosen to stay home and not make money whether it be from throwing Scrapbooking parties or whatever women do at home to make money. I feel like I have to defend myself every time I turn around.
It's a war, Lori. I don't know why it has to be such a brutal war but it is. I'm with you. Why can't women just support one another as women, wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, etc? This is a touchy subject for all of us. Great insights. Thanks for sharing your side.
Lori - good for you. You are such a wonderful example. Why is it so hard to put into practice that concept of worrying more about what our Father in Heaven thinks than everyone else? And really, just not worrying about what others think at all? Yeah, I haven't got that one down yet.
It's hard. Being a mom is hard. Working is hard. But keeping everything in a higher perspective sure helps out a lot. Thanks for the reminder.
I think it is hard for people to accept that in a standard, uniform world, people and families could not be more different from each other, even in the same culture or community or church.
I wish it weren't so hard to be concerned about what the Lord thinks instead of what everyone else thinks. I'm really good about it in some areas and really awful in other areas.
Lori, I hear ya. Is it bad that I can say I don't care what people think about me or the fact that I work? I usually chalk it up to their insecurities. If they were confidant in their choices, they wouldn't care. I don't care what other people choose.
Love ya!
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